


the sun is rising in my head

by kusemono (Glitchgoat)



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Chikage/August/Hisoka (Implied), Hand Jobs, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:55:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23369575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glitchgoat/pseuds/kusemono
Summary: He chooses to believe, for both his own sake and for that of Chikage’s ego, that it’s just his subconscious filling in the blanks with August.
Relationships: Mikage Hisoka/Utsuki Chikage
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	the sun is rising in my head

**Author's Note:**

> _"you can't keep falling into my arms, you can't keep falling into my arms"  
>  but what is there is all that I knew, when it's time to do what I do  
> it's all I need from you--  
> _

_Chikage is like a cactus,_ Hisoka thinks; he’s heard that cacti will drown if you water them too much, so if Chikage is a cactus, then closeness is water. But also: he’s green, and he’s prickly, and he makes a very bad pillow, so the analogy is multi-faceted.

He’d like a better pillow than this. He’s laying awkwardly on one arm, his other draped loosely over Chikage’s waist, hand in a loose curl, stroking Chikage’s half-erection at a pace that skirts the line between leisurely and lazy (and veers towards the latter). His nose is buried in between Chikage’s shoulderblades, and Chikage doesn’t move much at all. It’s only the tension knotted tight in his back that lets Hisoka know that Chikage hasn’t fallen asleep.

He’d still be tense if he was asleep, it’d just be a little less so. Hisoka knows the difference.

Chikage’s bed is always so uncomfortable. Maybe he only thinks that because he’s only ever in it when Chikage is, and that usually means there’s no chance to _get_ comfortable. He’s slept worse places. He’s slept worse places _today_.

So the fact that Hisoka is actually getting the chance to be comfortable, because Chikage isn’t being obnoxious – that he’s not acting like they’re on a deadline – is very odd indeed. The fact that he has to fight off the heaviness in his head that comes and goes, when Chikage occasionally mutters a half-assed _oi_ to snap him back when Hisoka’s hand stops altogether—well.

That’s how Hisoka knows that Chikage isn’t thinking about him.

Chikage’s never said as much, and Hisoka isn’t going to ask. But he knows, because he does it too. They’re never going to talk about it. They’re never going to acknowledge it. They’re certainly never going to play it up.

August was more physically affectionate than the two of them put together, and if Hisoka tried to act like him, if he tried to kiss the back of Chikage’s head—well, first of all, he’d have to shuffle upwards and it’d be very awkward; but where August would have been gruffly brushed off, Hisoka might get shoved out of the bed to the floor below.

Or he might not. Chikage might play along. He might grumble and roll his eyes but rock his hips into Hisoka’s hand, like he’d have done for August. And Hisoka could laugh (he could never approach the warmth of his laugh, but he could try) and keep stroking, a little more firmly, never too fast, never so cruel as to tease. He could take care of Chikage.

Hisoka doesn’t want to risk it. That’s a fire with which he has no interest in playing.

Sometimes he thinks that Chikage _does_ play into it, in times where Hisoka has his nose buried in Chikage’s chest instead and Chikage’s hand snaked between them-- times when Hisoka’s mind is somewhere else. Hisoka would swear that once or twice, Chikage has put his other arm over Hisoka in a not-quite-a-hug, or put his free hand on Hisoka’s head and spoken softly; but he only thinks that happens when he’s already more than half asleep.

(He chooses to believe, for both his own sake and for that of Chikage’s ego, that it’s just his subconscious filling in the blanks with August.)

It’s the kind of thing that they didn’t need to talk about. Even when they had the rare moment to fool around together, he and Chikage never admitted that the other one ever spent time alone with August. (They barely acknowledged that they fucked _each other_ while in the middle of doing so, let alone anything else. They have, at the very least, moved past that.) They certainly don’t need to talk about it now.

But it shows without words, in how Chikage doesn’t push Hisoka away; it’s in how Hisoka can breathe in deep and get a lingering scent of something spicy that he’s sure someone else would enjoy, but that he finds nauseating and nostalgic in equal measure. It shows in how Chikage rolls his hips forward into Hisoka’s hand, how his fingers twitch like for a brief moment he wants to cover Hisoka’s hand with his own.

The idea that Chikage is thinking about August while getting a handjob from Hisoka settles like a horrible stone in Hisoka’s stomach, sends something tight to his throat and dizzy to his head. But he bears it, he shoulders that weight, it’s only fair, because he knows he does it too. He’s thought about August while Chikage was fucking him, and he knows Chikage has thought about August while riding Hisoka.

When Chikage comes in his hand and he doesn’t immediately kick Hisoka out of the bed, when he lets Hisoka keep stroking him through it until he’s hissing through pressed teeth, he knows better than to break the illusion. He stays there, says nothing. He’s all the wrong proportions to be August, but he lets Chikage stay pressed against him in the dark.

He’s just about to fall asleep when Chikage moves, makes a grumbling noise that sounds much more like himself and rolls over. Hisoka pulls his hand away and tries to shake the premonitions of sleep away, prepares to excuse himself back to his room, maybe to deal with an erection he long ago knew was going to be a personal problem, when Chikage says:

“December.”

They don’t talk about it, as it’s Hisoka’s turn to pretend as Chikage’s hand makes its way between them.

**Author's Note:**

> _\-- say, are you listening to me?_
> 
> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/glitchgoats)


End file.
